1. License plate numbers should be replaced with cell phone numbers. Instead of having to speed up to get in front of annoying drivers so I can slam on my brakes to send them a message, I could, politely, call them up and critque their driving. After about a week of these idoits being cursed out for driving like my Grandma Betty, we might see some improvement.
2. After braking 5 times, for no damn reason, cars should just explode! Vaporize! With nothing left to show for them but their license plates. Which will be swept up at midnight and delivered to the next of kin the following morning. What a relief it will be to know that your husband didn't come home because he was a lousy driver, and not out cheating all night.
3. Classical, easy listening and country music should not be allowed to be broadcasted during rush hour. Only songs such as 'Radar love', 'I Can't Drive 55', and my fave, 'C'mon n Ride the Train' should be allowed.
(Posted at the end of this blog with be a list of acceptable rush hour music selections)
4. Those Pottery Barn shopping, PTA attending SUV driving soccer moms should never, under any circumstance be allowed on the freeways during rush hour traffic. What? Were they out of Mini Vans the day you showed up to buy a car? Ya know the ones that would absolutely die if they got a drop of mud on their Dodge Dakota...
5. Ladies over 55 should not be allowed on our freeways between 6 and 9am and 4 and 7pm. Sorry girls. This also includes men over 65. Unless your name is Chuck.
6. People that buy Mustangs, Camaros, Evolutions, or any other high performance car and drive them like they're in a funeral procession. You know who you are!! Stick to surface roads. Better yet, trade that bitch in for a Buick!
7. If you have gone to traffic school 3 times in 6 years for speeding, you should get an award, not punished.
Acceptable Rush Hour Music
I Can't Drive 55 (Sammy Hagar)
Radar Love (Golden Earring)
Going The Distance (Cake)
Act a Fool (Ludacris) !
Fantasy (Aldo Nova)
December 1963 (The Four Seasons)
O.P.P. (Naughty by Nature)
Shake Your Grove Thing (KC and the Sunshine Band)
Strict Machine (Goldfrapp)
Whoomp! (Tag Team)
Young Guns (Wham! UK)
Bitch (Meredith Brooks)
C'mon n' Ride It (Quad City DJ's)
Close to Me (The Cure)
Just Like Heaven (The Cure)
Rebel Yell (Billy Idol)
Jump (Kris Kross)
Love Will Tear Us Apart (Joy Division)
Me So Horny (2 Live Crew)
More Than a Feeling (Boston)
Panama (Van Halen)
Pretty in Pink (The Psychedelic Furs)
Sexy Chick (David Guetta & Akon)
Sweet Emotion (Aerosmith)
Tenderness (General Public)
Too Shy (Kajagoogoo)
U Can't Touch This (MC Hammer)
Wiggle It (2 In a Room)
You Should be Dancing (Bee Gees)
Start Me Up (Rolling Stones)
I Want Your Sex (George Michael)
Vogue (Madonna) But only if you can keep yourself from 'vogueing,' which I can't. :(
I'm Gonna Be 500 Miles (The Proclaimers)
E.T. (Katy Perry featuring that stupid racist that's trying to sound like Lil' Wayne, Kanye West)
Pretty Vacant (The Sex Pistols)
Men in Black (Will Smith)
It Takes Two (Rob Base) Followed by Joy and Pain
Stomp (Kirk Franklin and God's Property)
Dynamite (Taio Cruz)
Enter Sandman (Metallica)
Bodies (Drowning Pool)
Creep (Radiohead)
Blister in the Sun (Violent Femmes)
Let it Rock (Kevin Rudolf & Lil' Wayne)
Homies (Insane Clown Posse)
Hypnotize (Biggie Smalls)
Alive with the Glory of Love (Say Anything)
Kashmir (Led Zeppelin)
Those are just a few of my faves! As you can see, almost every genre of music is listed.
LOl I agree 100%! You have great taste in music as well!
ReplyDeleteLOL I hate those people who have a big truck and slow down to 1 mph when they cross the train tracks.
ReplyDeleteI hate a very long list of people, but near the top of the list are drivers who must slow down to 1 mph in order to make a right hand turn...
ReplyDelete"Turn already, JESUS H CHRIST!!!!
I do love imagining that image of large blacked-out federal government UPS type trucks perusing the streets and highways, sweeping up the charred remains of license plates and placing them neatly in perfectly fitting envelopes for delivery to loved ones…. Where breakfast is briefly interrupted so Mom can gather the kids to share her relief that the man of the house is no longer with them because he hit is brakes one time too many on HWY 101.…. And he wasn’t out chasing that lil heifer from Hooters after all.
ReplyDelete